Sunday, September 7, 2014

Good morniiiiiiiiiing Meeee!!!!

7:30 : Beep beep....beep beep....SNOOOOOZZZZEE...10 more minutes.

7:40 : Beep beep....beep beep..aaagghhhh!!! Snooozzze...5 more minutes. Com’on. Why does the mobile phone has to work with the precision of a Rolex when it comes to the morning alarm!! It’s just a phone afterall. OK....juuuuuust one more snooze and then I am up.

BANGGG!!! 8:10 : Goodness gracious me....How can I sleep for so long....OMG...I had snoozed the alarm for just 5 more minutes...This mobile is of no use. It can’t even do the basic function of waking me up on time. Now I will have to race against time to catch my bus to work.

8:15 : I am finally up and running. I admire my sleepy looks in the mirror and walk out to pick up the toothbrush and the toothpaste. On my way though, I find the newspaper, neatly folded with a full page photograph of Monica Bellucci on the front page. I wonder how the bombshell can make the front page news, when they were supposed to be page 3 attractions. Keeping one eye on the clock, I reluctantly pick up the paper. Of course I could not help but admire this Italian beauty in the advertisement. Now I know how this paper has the maximum circulation. When such beautiful goddesses make up the front page of the newspaper, they are hard to miss, even if you don’t really intend to read them in a hurry. Still keeping one eye on the clock, I skimmed through the headlines of all the pages and finally reached the end of it. OH SHITTTT!!!..The clock now read 8:25. Com’on dude...u have to get ready NOW. Else you have to take the BMTC Volvo and stand in the heavy crowd through the journey in the morning rush that Prachi and Chitrangada on the cover page of the supplement? Of course it was them, sporting polka dots short skirts. Now how can you miss them even if you are late? Also it would not be politically right to admire the Italian diva and give these Indian divas a miss. I take another 4 minutes to refresh my eye and mind in the morning, after such a tough day yesterday.

8:35 : With great difficulty, I throw the newspaper away and I’m off to the washroom. The moment I start brushing my teeth, “WHAT THE HELL...” the toothpaste tastes like soap! I realise that I had picked up the wrong tube and conveniently replaced my toothpaste with my shaving cream while admiring those bombshells in the newspaper.

8:40 : The office bus is to arrive in 15 minutes. I still have a fighting chance to escape wrestling with the crowd....that is if I can finish up all my early morning tasks before 8:55.

8:45 : The geyser is on but there’s no hot water. WHY GOD?? WHY?? WHY ALWAYS ME & WHY TODAY OF ALL DAYS??? Not that today was anything special, but I used these phrases together, even if they don’t really convey anything meaningful at most times. I resigned to my fate and took a cold shower bath (if you can call it a bath...I most certainly DO). OH NO...NOT AGAIN...Towel...where are youuuu?? I had not brought my towel to wipe off after the bath. By now, I was used to it though...I have a habit of forgetting my towel before I take bath....Blame this bad habit on my mom. In fact you can blame all my bad habits on her – She’s a sweetheart and she won’t mind. I make do with my tee that I was wearing at night...anyway that tee needed a wash. Nice got what it deserves...the tee I mean.

The small clock on my bathroom shelf read 8:55. That’s all right, I thought. It was ahead of its time by 5 minutes to compensate for my sense of punctuality (or rather lack of it) in the morning.

8:50 : Wow...that was quick..The shower. Now I feel fresh like a flower. I glance at the newspaper once again. But this time I restrain myself – “CHILL DUDE....u have the entire evening to spend with her, after you return from work”. I spend another another minute in front of the same mirror – dress up – apply deo spray lavishly (for obvious reasons-refer to the deo spray commercials please), do my shoes, pick up my bag, put my shades on and one final glance at the mirror before I rush out – BOY, you are handsome.

8:54 : Why of all the time in the day, the lift has to go up instead if coming down, when I am supposed to use it to rush out?? Aaahhh!!!...JUST MY LUCK. I jump 3 steps at a time and rush out of the gate.

8:56 : I am almost there....I can see a colleague of mine waiting for bus on the other side of the road. WOW...YOU DID IT SON!

All I need to do is to cross the road and reach my bus stop..butttt...the traffic. How insensitive of the people behind the wheels...can’t they see a guy desperately trying to cross the road. Can’t they see the desperation in my eyes? With great courage (call it courage, valour or call it risk or stupidity), I reach the median of the road...half the battle won. I plunge into the onrushing traffic and cross the other half of the road to reach my destination. Here I am, after braving so many obstacles, right from the attractive women to freezing cold water bath, I have reached the destination beating the clock. I felt triumphant.
*                *               *                *
9:05 : It’s still the two of us waiting for the office bus. Normally the bus is more punctual than the official time keeper of F1 races.

9:10 : Well, like most days, I had missed my bus. That KAMEEEEEENA bus driver could not wait for 1 more minute for poor me. Now I have to wrestle with the rush hour crowd and stand in the crowded bus for an hour to reach work. The newspaper is to be blamed. Why do they serve the newspaper in the mornings? No...It’s not the newspaper...It’s the combined trio of Monica, Prachi and Chitrangada to be blamed. If only God had not made them so pretty, I would not have missed the bus today as well (the third time in this week). So it’s GOD (and not those pretty ladies) who is to be blamed for me missing the bus. I felt relieved...that I was not at fault. I thanked god, took the next Volvo ...stood for an hour before I got a place to sit...reached office just in time and what I do at work??....I do ROCKET SCIENCEJ.