My first time (part 1)...

        For those who know me well, they'd say I'm a happy go lucky chap, always up for pranks....And indeed I liked it that way. Happily nestled at Bangalore, earning my spurs by designing aircraft and burning midnight oil to watch Chelsea play on those amazing Champions league nights, life was great. But as some wise man had stated, all good things must come to an end for the next one to begin. Well, one fine morning (1pm to be precise) when I woke up rather grumpy...because Chelsea had just been knocked out of the Champion's league by none other than Jose's Inter the last night, my dad called me up. After the initial pleasantries, I was shaken out of my slumber by what he said next- 'beta...you are 27. Is there some girl about whom you'd want us to know? be free, you know how frank we are with you". As flabbergasted I was, I was pleasantly surprised. Why not...After all  I get to meet some girls and maybe...just may be...start being in a relationship.  After regaining my composure, I replied "com'on dad...You know I'm single...and happy".  Thankfully, it ended there...for the time being.

       The very next day, It was my mom. I guess they were paying one of those 2 on 1 handicap wrestling matches (WWE) that I used to so enjoy watching through my childhood. Here I was consistently outmanoeuvred to submission and I was helpless but to listen to them. I always knew my dad is tech savvy. Thanks to this, my parents had made a wonderful li'l profile of their dear "sarva gunnnn sampanna" son on one of those modern day matrimony website. With nowhere to go, I reluctantly agreed to go thru the profile of a girl who had apparently expressed her interest in my profile. Trying not to be overly enthusiastic about this development, I asked them how do I check it if I don't have a login and a password? To my dismay, my parents, they had all the bases covered. They simply passed me on the required credentials and a deadline for me to revert to them with my view. This left me with no choice literally. After the call, I duly obliged. Though I was not toooooo impressed, I thought...just like you try mock interviews before u shoot aim for the dream job, I thought let me give it a shot.

       As my luck would have it, I had to travel to CHENNNNNNNAAAIIIII....in search of my soul mate. I had spent a couple of weeks in Chennai earlier, on official assignments. And no offence to the city, but I felt like a fish out of water during my brief stay in Chennai. So I dreaded at the prospect of having to travel to the same place, this time for meeting a ‘prospective life partner’. I thought, the ramifications for this visit could be fateful. But then, can any ‘good son’ win against his parent’s emotional attack?? Most certainly NO. And subsequently, just like all ‘good sons’ do, I was convinced by my parents to meet this ‘susheeeeeeel girl’ and her family in Chennai.

After initial hesitations, I buckled up. After all how bad can it be? For I was travelling to Chennai to meet this girl (whose profile I had looked up and admired on a matrimony site). She could be fun to be with. And it was just a day trip. I will be back to namma Bengalooru by nightfall, the next day. So I boarded the night train that would reach Chennai central by early next morning.

Chennnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiii……...

       My friends would vouch that I am terrible at waking up early. But the train had reached its destination at 6am. And I lazily picked my back pack and lumbered off the train to the platform. I thought “it would be a good Idea to make myself presentable to ‘my prospective in laws’ when I meet them, rather than turn up in my ‘messed up 6am’ looks”. So I trudged off to the washroom, cleaned myself up in front of the mirror that had a diagonal crack running across it. I realised…I was a mirror cracking material indeed. Then I came out of the washroom but realised that my breath stinks. I suddenly remembered that I had not brushed my teeth. Not a problem though. I promptly took out toilet kit and made my way to a series of taps that were lined up. Done with brushing my teeth, to get rid of the last bit of laze, I started to splash water on my face vigorously. It was then that I realised that a few ladies were shouting at each other. From my feeble understanding of Tamil, I realised that they were actually cursing someone. Well Oblivious to the happening, I continued my ‘clean up’ and then just when I turned back, I realised that those ladies were actually not quarrelling among them, but their ire was directed towards none other than myself. I wondered, what did I do? Then I realised, I was using the tap that was near the ladies wash room. Anyways, I ignored them, moved on…Outside the station, I booked an uber to the address that was provided. All good till now, barring a few minor hiccups.

       Once in the cab, though a wee bit sleepy, the enormity of the situation gravitated upon me. I was going to meet a girl…who could potentially spend the rest her life with me. OH SHITTTTTT…..why did I sign up for this….Can I turn back now? Oh no…what would my parents think? Also If I turn back now, it will be like chickening out of the situation….That girl would think of me as a coward. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. With no way out of it, I decided to take on the situation head on. ‘How brave of me’. I did my hair once again, checked myself up on the car mirror…boy handsome. That gave me courage. The cab driver thankfully could speak English. That helped easing my nerves. After about an hour’s drive, I was there….To meet a girl and her family…for the first time… with the objective of spending the rest of my dear life with her…Oh No…God Help me. Why me…?? Pleasseeeee…..ok…..Calm down…u can always reject her…Hell, she can reject u…oh no…that would be embarrassing…Grrrrrrrrr…it’s a mess…what do I do now?

(To be continued.....)

What the Fish!! (My first time:Part 2)

       I had already informed my ‘prospective’ in laws about my arrival after I had touched down. It was around 9am, I was welcomed at the gate of their apartment building. After the initial pleasantries, we moved in. This being the ‘first time’, I was still a bundle of nerves. The girl’s parents enquired about my journey and did their best to make me feel comfortable. Theirs was a small family of 3 and they had shifted to Chennai a few years before the girl was born. By now, it was time for breakfast. Being a first timer, I was very careful to be at my courteous best. And the moment for which I had been waiting for had finally arrived. The girl joined us for breakfast. For all my excitement, I was actually unsure of what would be appropriate for me to do…Hence I decided, let me concentrate on food…for I was hungry after all my travails last night.

       Once done with the breakfast, the parents ‘left us’ to talk in private. I am sure, they must have been snooping at us from a safe distance. By now, I believed, I had developed a decent image of myself to them….. At least I thought so. After an awkward silence, I asked the girl about what she does and if it would be OK for her to relocate to Bangalore in the future. The entire conversation lasted for about 7 minutes and spanned no more than 12 sentences (give or take). It was about 10:30 am now and frankly, I was getting bored. So much for meeting a girl….sigh. My return tickets were booked for the 4pm and I somehow had to kill time but I was stuck……like a fly in spider net. Just when such thoughts were clouding my thinking, her father enthusiastically offered to take me around the place. I agreed for I wanted some fresh air. Little did I know that ‘my first time experience’ is only just getting started.

       Once outside, her father took me around in his bike. By looking at him, I could make out that he was out for his grocery shopping. Nevertheless I was glad to just make it out of the house. Then something happened that left me flabbergasted. He told me that they get amazing fishes in Chennai and took me straight to a fish market. YES …FISH MARKET. I was dumbfounded. This indeed left me speechless. While I am not averse to fishes or visiting the fish market, I found myself in a hilarious position. I was moving from one fish stall to another, wearing my best dress, among fishes, dead and alive. If that was not enough, I felt that I was attending a lecture on fishes. I quickly realised that this man has profound knowledge about fishes, how they taste and how they should be cooked. From one stall to another, I felt like I was a fish, not just out of water but stuck in a fish market. At long last, I could see light at the end of the tunnel. Our man has screened all the shops in the market, but have not been able to net his dream fish. Relieved, I thought, we will head back.

Little did I know that there was another fish market near by. God why do bongs eat fish? Hell why do men eat fish? They look good only in aquariums and ponds. Why can’t men just leave them alone…

       We boarded the bike again…only to stop at the next fish market. We repeated the same drill…The lecturer went through all the stall, repeated the same drill once again. It felt like déjà vu. Same fishes, same story…only a different market. I was left wondering…what this man was trying to achieve by taking me to various fish markets. Was he trying to impress me about how he,being out of Bengal for so long was still a fish eating bong at heart? Or was he trying to show off his considerable knowledge about fishes? Whatever it was, he was successful in generating an intense but temporary dislike for fishes in me. After another few minutes, he was left exasperated that he could not find the fish that his heart desired in two of Chennai’s biggest and most thriving fish markets. I nodded in concurrence. Dejected, we headed home. On the way, he stopped right next to a roadside fish vendor. He seemed visibly delighted. He had his eureka moment. He had finally found the fish his heart craved for, that too at a reasonable price. I must admit that I silently appreciated his zeal and endeavour. Finally, we headed home. Our man had a triumphant air about him by now. He boasted to his wife, how he had taken me around the neighbourhood while he also bought his fish.

        It was well past noon by now. It was time for me to bid farewell to the family and head back to the bus station which I did with utmost pleasure. Once I boarded the bus back to Bangalore, my enthusiastic parents who had kept a lid on their curiosity all thru the day finally called up. Poor parents. They became my punching bag. While I narrated the story of the bygone 12 hours, about how my meeting with the “susheeeeeeeel girl” lasted no more than 7 minutes and no longer than 12 precious sentences. How I am now an expert about anything that is fishy…read fish, and that I could put a fisherman to shame by my in depth knowledge about fishes and my adventurous excursion to not one but two of Chennai’s biggest fish markets. While I was narrating all this, I could hear my parents laughing so loudly that it only infuriated me all the more. I cut the call, snoozed off for a while, dreaming of mermaids…err fishes. When I woke up, it was with a smile on my face….for I realised, had I not made this journey, I could never have had so much fun (in hindsight). I called up my parents once again…This time, we laughed about the whole trip. And finally I reached my humble abode at Bangalore. Still single, ready to mingle…But more experienced than ever.

PS. : My first time truly was memorable…This was a trip that I remember every time I buy fish, even to this date. When I narrated this tale to my wife, she insisted that I write about this particular one in my blog….and hence this blog. Hope you like it.